We are so lucky to live near the sea, and since they have opened the beach to dogs, we have such a good time. Since being in recovery, as many of you know, I look at life differently, like I’m using different glasses than I did before. We lived in the UK while I was active in my alcoholism. If I were to go to the beach, it would have included alcohol, either before or during.
Yesterday I woke without a hangover. I did some work in the office, and then we drove 20 minutes to the beach. Once we got there, I was so aware of our surrounding, aware of the people around me, aware of the beautiful tree, aware of the ocean that glistened in front of me, I would have taken no notice before. But the immense Joy yesterday was feeling present in families presence. With my girls, I was there, they could see me, but I was not present, not involved in what they wanted to do—I probably would have been sat on the side of the pier while they amused themselves, always wrapped up in my alcoholic head.
Yesterday was not like that. Most days are not like that anymore; Harrison and I held hands as he jumped over the holes in the sea. We would take it in turns to through the ball for Lady, our dog watching her having a playful time with all the other dogs on the beach, and she loves it; we love it. I fell into a hole in the sea and got soaked, we all laughed so much, it would have been a different story when I was drunk, I would have laughed if I was in a happy drunken mood, but if I was in an angry drunken mood, god help anyone around me. I look back and hardly recognise the person I am describing, and I am ashamed, but I am not regretful as that person, and those behaviours made me who I am today, and most days, I am happy with who I am.
These days I try and be the best version of myself that I can be. Thank goodness for my recovery.
