What I have learned about MY alcoholism

The first thing I have come to understand and learn about alcoholism is that it is one of the oldest problems in history. Only recently have we begun to help from new approaches to the problem. Doctors today, for example, know a great deal more about alcoholism than their predecessors knew only two generations ago. They are beginning to define the problem and study it in detail.

For me, it could be described as a physical compulsion coupled with a mental obsession. I mean that I had a distinct physical desire and need to consume Alcohol beyond my capacity to control it, in defiance of all common-sense rules. I had an abnormal craving for Alcohol, but I wanted it at the worst possible times, and then I wanted it all the time. I did not know when (or how) to stop drinking.

As an alcoholic, I had to learn the hard way that willpower alone, however strong in other respects, was not enough to keep me sober. I was headstrong and very determined in everything I did. But not this, Alcohol was winning every time.
I had tried Stopping for specific periods. I had made promises. I had switched types of drinks. I tried drinking only at the weekend. Only if I went out, Only if I stayed in. I tried to drink only with certain friends. I tried to drink only alone. But none of it worked. I always wound up, sooner or later, getting drunk.
I had gone through stages of dark despair. Once I started, I could not stop.

I lived in self-pity and was sure that nothing could help me. I can smile at those memories now, but at the time, they were extremely unpleasant experiences. I felt hopeless.
Today I accept the idea that, as far as myself is concerned, alcoholism is an illness, a progressive illness that can never be “cured” but, like some other illnesses, can be treated.

There is nothing shameful about having a disease, provided I face the problem honestly and try to do something about it. I am happy to admit to anyone that asks that I am allergic to Alcohol.

I understand that once a person has crossed the invisible line from heavy drinking to compulsive alcoholic drinking, they will always remain alcoholic. there can never be any turning back to “normal” social drinking. “Once an alcoholic – always an alcoholic” is a simple fact that I live with. I also understand and have learnt that I can still behave alcoholically even without Alcohol inside of me—the ISM of the disease, How I deal with specific encounters in my life, how I can mentally obsess over people and situations. These are the difficulties that I face in sobriety, but since being in recovery and looking at my life, past and present, with a new focus and a new perspective, a whole new life has opened up for this alcoholic.