Why Support for Grieving Matters More Than You Think
Support for grieving is essential because no one should face loss alone. When someone experiences grief, whether from the death of a loved one, a relationship breakdown, or another significant loss, they need practical help and emotional understanding to steer their pain.
Key ways to support someone who is grieving:
- Be present and listen without judgment or trying to fix their pain
- Offer specific, practical help like meals, childcare, or household tasks
- Avoid platitudes like “they’re in a better place” or “time heals all wounds”
- Check in regularly, not just in the first few weeks
- Respect their unique grieving process and timeline
- Encourage professional help if grief becomes overwhelming or prolonged
When someone you care about is grieving, you might feel helpless or unsure what to say. This uncertainty often leads to well-meaning people staying silent or offering unhelpful clichés. Yet research shows that most people can recover from loss through time, social support, and healthy habits.
The truth is that grief affects everyone differently. There is no “normal” timeline and no set stages that everyone must follow. Some people may appear fine one day and struggle the next. Others might experience physical symptoms like fatigue, changes in appetite, or trouble sleeping alongside their emotional pain.
About 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief, a condition where intense pain persists and prevents them from resuming daily life. Recognising when someone needs more than informal support can be lifesaving.
This guide will help you understand the grieving process and provide meaningful support to someone navigating loss. You will learn practical ways to help, what to say (and what not to say), and when professional intervention may be necessary.
Understanding the Journey of Grief
Grief is a natural human response to loss. It is the emotional suffering we feel when something or someone we love is taken away. This profound pain can feel overwhelming, leading to difficult emotions and significant physical disruption. While often associated with bereavement, grief extends to any significant loss, not just the death of a loved one.
The common causes of grief are diverse. Beyond the death of a friend, family member, or even a cherished pet, we can grieve the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job, a decline in health, or the erosion of financial stability. Even subtle losses, such as moving house or experiencing a significant life transition, can trigger the grieving process. Each of these experiences, though varied, elicits a similar need for understanding and support.
It is crucial to recognise that there is no ‘right’ or ‘normal’ way to grieve. Each individual’s journey through loss is unique, shaped by their personality, life experiences, faith, and the significance of what they have lost. The grieving process is not a linear path but a complex, individual experience that unfolds gradually over time. We understand that this process can be challenging, but it is a fundamental part of healing and adapting to life after loss.
Providing Meaningful Support for Grieving Individuals
The Grieving Process: Common Reactions and Types of Grief
When we experience loss, our bodies and minds react in complex ways. The idea of ‘five stages of grief’ — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — is a well-known model, but it is often misunderstood. Research indicates that grief is rarely a neat, sequential progression through these stages. Instead, it is more like a ‘roller coaster,’ full of ups and downs, where feelings can reappear unexpectedly.
Emotional reactions to grief are varied and intense. We might experience shock and numbness, particularly in the immediate aftermath of a loss. Overwhelming sadness, often accompanied by crying, is common, as are feelings of guilt, fear, and anger. These emotions can fluctuate rapidly, making the grieving person’s experience unpredictable.
Physical symptoms of grief are also significant and should not be overlooked. These can include profound fatigue, a lowered immune response, changes in weight due to altered appetite, and various aches and pains. Many people report trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and a reduced ability to make decisions. These physical manifestations underscore the deep impact grief has on our entire being.
It is important to distinguish between typical grief and more complex forms. Most individuals, with adequate social support and healthy coping mechanisms, will gradually adapt to their loss. However, about 10% of bereaved people may experience complicated grief, sometimes referred to as prolonged grief disorder. This condition is characterised by intense, persistent grief that prevents individuals from resuming their daily lives for an extended period, often exceeding six months. Symptoms might include an inability to accept the death, overwhelming sorrow, constant preoccupation with the deceased, and a profound loss of meaning in life. If you are struggling with this, please know that specialised help is available.
Other forms of grief include anticipatory grief, which occurs before a loss, often seen in caregivers of those with terminal illnesses. This involves grieving for impending changes and losses. Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that is not openly acknowledged or socially supported, such as the loss of a secret relationship or a pet, where the grief may be devalued by others. We also recognise the profound connection between addiction and grief, where loss can be a trigger or a consequence, requiring specific understanding and support.
How to Offer Practical and Emotional Support
Supporting someone who is grieving can feel daunting, but simple acts of kindness and presence can make a profound difference. Our approach focuses on genuine care rather than trying to ‘fix’ their pain.
Being present means showing up for the grieving person, even if you do not know what to say. Continuing to reach out over time, beyond the initial days or weeks, is crucial, as grief is a long journey. Active listening is key; this involves hearing their feelings without judgment, allowing them to express whatever emotions arise, including anger or an absence of emotion. We must accept their current emotional state without trying to direct or minimise it.
Validating their feelings is paramount. Avoid platitudes such as “they are in a better place” or “time heals all wounds,” as these can invalidate their pain. Similarly, statements beginning with “at least…” or “you should…” are often unhelpful. Instead, simply acknowledging their sorrow and allowing them to feel it is a powerful form of support. Trusting that they can handle painful emotions empowers them to survive the experience.
Offering specific help is often more effective than a general “let me know if you need anything.” Many grieving individuals struggle with basic tasks. Consider offering to:
- Prepare and deliver meals
- Assist with childcare or pet care
- Help with household chores like laundry or cleaning
- Run errands or do grocery shopping
- Assist with informing others about the death
When offering help, ask directly: “Can I help with X, or do you need space right now?” or “Do you feel like talking about the death, or would you prefer a distraction?” This gives them agency and respects their fluctuating needs.
Respecting their process means understanding there is no ‘right’ way to grieve. Do not impose your expectations on how they should feel or how long their grief should last. They may express grief by doing things rather than talking, such as going for a walk or engaging in creative activities. Even laughter and moments of joy are healthy responses and should not be seen as a sign that they are ‘over it’.
Here is a list of helpful phrases to use and unhelpful phrases to avoid:
Helpful Phrases:
- “I am so sorry for your loss.”
- “I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.”
- “I am here for you, no matter what you need.”
- “Would it be helpful if I brought over dinner on Tuesday?”
- “I am not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.”
- “Tell me about [the deceased’s name].”
- “How are you today? How are you in this moment?”
- “I remember when [share a positive memory].”
Unhelpful Phrases:
- “They are in a better place.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “You need to be strong.”
- “I know how you feel.”
- “You should try to move on.”
- “Don’t cry; they wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
- “It is time to get back to normal.”
Encouraging Self-Care and Professional Support for Grieving
Navigating grief is an exhausting process, both emotionally and physically. Encouraging self-care is not a luxury but a fundamental necessity for healing. We advocate for maintaining healthy habits, which form the bedrock of resilience during tough times. This includes ensuring adequate sleep, consuming nutritious food, and engaging in regular physical activity. These practices can significantly mitigate the physical disruption that grief often causes, such as fatigue and lowered immunity.
Emotional expression is another vital component of self-care. Finding healthy outlets for expressing pain, sadness, and other complex emotions is crucial. This might involve journaling, engaging in creative arts like drawing or music, or simply talking openly with trusted friends and family. Maintaining hobbies and interests, even if it feels difficult at first, can provide a sense of normalcy and distraction when needed. We encourage patience and self-compassion, understanding that healing unfolds in its own unique time. For a deeper dive into nurturing your wellbeing, we offer A complete guide to self-care practices.
Knowing when to seek professional help is a critical aspect of support for grieving. While most people recover from loss with time and social support, some may find their grief overwhelming or prolonged. Signs that professional intervention may be necessary include:
- Persistent, intense sadness or guilt lasting many months, severely impacting daily life.
- Neglect of personal hygiene, nutrition, or other basic self-care.
- Withdrawal from social interactions and activities that once brought joy.
- Substance abuse, such as excessive alcohol consumption or drug use, as a coping mechanism.
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please seek immediate help.
If these signs are present, or if the grieving person struggles to cope for more than a couple of weeks, professional support can offer invaluable guidance. Specialised therapies for complicated grief have shown significant success, with studies indicating improved symptoms in a majority of participants. Psychologists and grief counsellors can help individuals steer through fear, guilt, or anxiety, build resilience, and develop strategies to manage their profound sadness. For more specific information, you can find information on prolonged grief disorder from Griefline, an Australian service dedicated to supporting those experiencing loss.
A Guide to Available Resources for Support for Grieving
Accessing the right resources is a cornerstone of effective support for grieving. We are committed to connecting individuals and families with services customised to their needs, particularly within our Australian context.
For immediate emotional distress or crisis, several Australian helplines offer crucial support:
- Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 for 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention. You can also text 0477 13 11 14 or chat online.
- Beyond Blue: Call 1300 224 636 for 24/7 support for emotional distress. Their website also offers online chat. You can find their BeyondBlue support services.
- Suicide Call Back Service: Call 1300 659 467 for 24/7 phone and online counselling.
- 13YARN: Call 13 92 76 for 24/7 yarn support for Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander individuals.
- Open Arms: Call 1800 011 046 for 24/7 support for veterans and their families.
- QLife: Call 1800 184 527 for anonymous and free LGBTIQ+ peer support (3pm-midnight daily).
- Kids Helpline: Call 1800 551 800 for 24/7 counselling for children, teens, and young people.
- ADIS (Alcohol and Drug Information Service): Call 1800 177 833 for 24/7 support for alcohol and drug concerns in Queensland.
Peer support groups offer a unique form of comfort, connecting individuals with others who share similar experiences of loss. These groups provide a safe space for sharing stories, feelings, and coping strategies. While many are available, you can find a local GriefShare group through their worldwide directory. For those grieving the loss of a child, The Compassionate Friends offers friendship, understanding, and hope through their network.
Professional counselling with a therapist or grief counsellor provides a structured environment to process emotions, develop coping mechanisms, and find meaning after loss. These professionals can offer individualised support, helping to steer through the complexities of grief. For a comprehensive overview of various mental health support options, please refer to A Complete Guide to Mental Health Support.
Find the Support You Need for a Lasting, Successful Recovery
Grief is not a state to be overcome, but a journey to be steered. Healing does not mean forgetting the love and connection that was lost, but rather finding a way to integrate that loss into a life that still holds meaning and purpose. This process takes time, and it is rarely linear. We believe in the power of empathy and compassionate understanding to help individuals move through their pain towards a renewed sense of self.
At The Freedom Room, we understand that grief can be a complex companion, especially when intertwined with other challenges. Our approach is founded on providing authentic support, rooted in lived experience and professional expertise. We are here to walk alongside you, offering guidance and a supportive community as you find your path forward.