We all know that as a society in the world we live in, we drink a lot. There’s always a reason to drink, always an occasion, always a Y in the day, and there are always people encouraging you to do so. When many of us think of an alcoholic, we see someone waking up and swigging a bottle of vodka. Sitting on a park bench drinking, But this isn’t always the case. For me, my park bench was my sofa.
If you only drink on social occasions but drink until you’re blackout drunk each time, are you an alcoholic? What about if you drink five or six nights a week, but just a glass or two of wine per evening?
I can tell you that 90% of the alcoholics I know don’t fit the stereotypical image people hold. They’re working in high-powered jobs, in the City or the media and drinking heavily is accepted, almost expected. the definition of a Functioning alcoholics is “A high-functioning alcoholic is a person who maintains jobs and relationships while exhibiting alcoholism, usually keeps on top of their responsibilities despite their drinking and are generally in denial about their alcohol intake.”
I still cringe about the description I used to give myself when I first got sober. I would say that I had been a functioning alcoholic for years. My conclusion for this was very nieve. My children still lived with me. They always went to school. I had my own business. I was successful in my business. We had not lost our home. I paid all the bills each month. Fed the children every day, we went on costly dream holidays. We were a family. We were happy.
Now let me be honest and tell you the reality of that false conclusion,
Yes, my beautiful girls lived with me, but that is only because their dad didn’t want them to live with him, he would threaten me all the time about taking the girls, but I knew he never would. Not real daddy material, you see.
Did they always go to school? No, not at all in the early days of my alcoholism. When the girls were young, I would tell them it was the weekend and give them a day off as I was too drunk to take them to school. As they got older, my then youngest would know and insist that they go to school as it was wrong.
I was very fortunate that I had always earnt well. I had been made redundant from my job. I am not sure to this day if drinking whiskey in my tea most days influenced this decision or the number of sick days I would take due to being hungover. My only option was to start my own business because, in all honesty, who would employ me, and how else was I going to navigate my drinking around my work? I paid my bills each month as each account was a direct debit. I had to do nothing except having the money available in the bank. I would continually change the appointments I had with clients due to drinking or being hungover. In the end, I never worked past 12.30 pm, or if I did, you could guarantee it would be meeting clients in a pub. It amazes me that I only ever lost one client due to my alcoholism.
Does buying take out pizza most nights of the week equal feeding the children? Not really, does it? On one occasion, I remember my eldest daughter ringing her nan (my beautiful mum) and informing her that I had fallen asleep on the sofa and they had not had any dinner, and they could not wake me up. I would wake up on the couch many an early morning hour and see a different family member in the recliner chair asleep.
The costly dream holidays I talk about where to exotic destinations but always booked very quickly because I had done something so embarrassing while drinking that I had to get as far away as possible.
We were, by far, a happy family. I was so absent in my girl’s lives. I was there in body. They could see me, but I was not engaging. I just wanted to be left alone to drink. My girls were exposed to situations that they should never have been. They felt unsafe in their own home. They never knew from 1 day to the next what was going to happen. Our lives were so unpredictable, I would say I was spontaneous, but I was just thoughtless. My youngest daughter and I would continuously fight as she would try to tip my alcohol away or cause a scene in the shops when I would buy a drink.
Let me tell you now. I wasn’t functioning at all. I couldn’t do ANYTHING without alcohol, even taking the children to the park involved me having a bottle of wine tipped into a juice bottle.
If you can relate to any of this article, please contact me at the freedom room today. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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