The joys of sobriety

At 4.45 am this morning, the alarm went off, and I struggled out of bed while the rest of the house was still sleeping. As I opened the door to the cool 21 degrees, I could hear the birds singing and the bats squealing. When I was in active alcoholism, I only listened to the bird song as I was trying to get to sleep after a heavy night of drinking. It never felt like a good noise, and I don’t miss that, that is for sure. I jump in the ute with my bike in the trunk and head to Sandgate, hoping to see the sunrise. Damn, as I drive, the sun starts to rise. Never mind. As I park the ute, I am amazed at how many people are already out and about, walking dogs, jogging along the foreshore. The weather is just perfect, but it is only 5.30 am.

I start to ride along the foreshore and head for the Ted Smout Memorial Bridge. Along the path, I see some trees that are down, torn apart from the storm that we had only last week. “good morning,” everyone is so friendly. If there is one thing I notice here in Australia, most people are more engaging and polite than those I am used to in the Uk. I believe the better weather has a lot to do with this. Most of the time, the UK is in black and white compared to Queensland, Australia, which I believe is in colour. I pass two ladies setting up a party area with food and banners, clearly for a gathering later this morning. Seeing this makes me miss my family.

I love living in Australia, and I thank my lucky stars every day. Still, it is a long way away, and birthday parties for my son are not the same without his uncles and grandparents and all his sisters to celebrate with us. Some days, it feels like a big sacrifice. Still, the life that we can give our children and grandchildren in Australia is worth it. As I start the long ride across the bridge to Clontarf, I see that bridge is flooded, Raleigh bikers everywhere, going so fast towards me and passed me “passing on the right” I hear. I am still shocked at how many people are out so early on the weekend, but I believe this is normal for Queenslanders, too hot later in the day to be out.

Once more, I think about my drinking days, too hungover for a morning bike ride, too hungover for anything. If I was walking anywhere back then, which was very rare, I didn’t notice any of my surroundings, and I never appreciated the outdoors’ beauty. I look to my left, and I look to my right. The sea is all around me. Water is my happy place. It makes me feel very much at peace. I want to close my eyes and feel the wind hitting my face, but too many other riders on the bridge, furious riders they would become if I crash into them.

I reach the other side, and I keep riding until I get to Woody point. I find a cafe and have breakfast and a drink. I feel alive but tired. I have done 13Km, and let’s not forget I have to get back another 13km to the ute. While I sit and drink my chai latte, I smile to myself with inner happiness, giving thanks for my sobriety. I have so much in my life that is a result of my recovery. If I were asked 9 years ago how I wanted my life to be, I would have sold myself short.

My life is so much better today than I ever could have imagined it to be.

I don’t mean materialistic items, but I am wealthy with self-love and life. I put my helmet back on my sweaty head and start peddling back. It has become very noisy, lots of young children about playing on the playground. I peddle back over the Ted Smout Memorial Bridge, still being overtaken continuously by Raleigh bikers “passing on the right,” I hear again. The wind is blowing hard in my direction, making it very difficult. My legs are hurting, and I have to exercise more effort. I make it to the other side, back in Brighton. OH, WOW, it has gotten so busy, I have to swerve to avoid walkers. “Good morning,” they all cheer. It is nice to be friendly, I thought. When I was drinking, I would have just thought they were weird and snarled at them. I don’t recognize myself today, but I know that I like myself these days. Thank you, recovery. I smile.

I hear a funny sound coming from the beach, and a horse and a rider are riding up the beach, so beautiful to see, but the sound of the hooves as it hits the wet sand is so hypnotic. I smile for the whole journey back to the ute. I love horses, I have ridden very seldom, and now I have a bad back that would get irritated more if I were to ride, but I can admire them from afar. When I am out on my bike, I come across horses in their paddocks, and I feed them apples, but only with the owners’ consent. I look at the time, and it is only 8.45 am. I have done so much this morning already. What would I have done if I was still drinking? Nothing that is what, I never saw that time in the morning outside the house. I would have been sleeping off a hangover, feeling sick, panicking over what I had done or said the night before, bowing my head in guilt, shame, and remorse.

Thank you, recovery. Recovery rocks.