Boundaries: People-pleasing, saying no and putting recovery first

This workbook is for you if you’ve said yes when you wanted to say no. Maybe you’ve kept the peace at your own expense. Maybe you are the helper, the strong one, the person everyone comes to with their problems. Maybe you can put down the drink, but you still can’t put yourself first.

A boundary is simply a clear limit. It is you telling the truth about what is okay for you, and what is not. It is not a way of controlling other people. It is a way of looking after yourself, and of being honest in your relationships.

People-pleasing is not a personality trait you are stuck with. For a lot of us, it started as a way to stay safe, to be liked, or to avoid conflict. In recovery, that same pattern can leave us exhausted, resentful, and at risk of going back to old patterns. This workbook will help you notice those patterns, find the words, and practise using them in real life. A clumsy boundary is still better than no boundary at all.

You can use Boundaries on its own, or alongside the other Freedom Room workbooks, in whatever order suits you.

What’s inside

There are ten modules. Each one has some information, questions to write in, and one small action to take:

• Why boundaries feel so hard
• The myths that keep us stuck
• When a boundary is crossed
• First time, again, or still pushing
• Who gets the best of you
• Learning to say no, and putting recovery first
• Doing too much, and jumping in with advice
• The excuses we make
• Finding the words
• When they don’t respect it, and looking after yourself

You can go in order, or go to what you need. If you already know why it’s hard and you just need the words, start with Finding the words. If you’re not sure where to start, the first module is a gentle way in. Write in it. A few honest lines are worth more than a perfect page you never start. Practise in small ways first. You don’t have to start with the hardest conversation of your life.

How you get it

After you order, you’ll receive an instant PDF download. It’s yours to keep, so you can save it, print it, and work through it at home at your own pace.

If you’d like to talk anything through, you can call The Freedom Room on (07) 3325 1531.